"Recovery from childhood trauma is a lot like a growing up process—we must learn to do the things our dysfunctional parents did not teach us to do: appropriately esteem ourselves, set functional boundaries, be aware of and acknowledge our reality, take care of our adult needs and wants, and experience our reality moderately." — Pia Mellody

Not long ago, I was sitting with my sister and nephew, flipping through holiday pictures from ten years ago. My nephew pointed at one of the photos and asked, “Who is that?”

For a moment, I was stunned. He didn’t recognize me. And honestly, I barely recognized myself either.

My sister looked at me and said, “I’m so proud of you. I see you all the time, so I didn’t realize how profound the changes are. Back then, you were like a shell of a person.”

Her words landed deeply. Because she was right—I had changed in ways so profound that even my appearance told the story. What once was a shell has become something whole, alive, and aligned. Healing has not only transformed how I feel inside, it has reshaped how I move through the world.

 The Subtle Signs of Change

The evidence of healing didn’t arrive in one dramatic moment. It revealed itself in the everyday ways I began to live differently.

• I could move through challenges more quickly, without being consumed.

• I found myself maintaining inner peace most days, even when life was messy.

• I trusted more easily, but with discernment.

• I stopped caring so much about what people thought, and instead cared about whether I was living in integrity with myself.

• I committed to self-care—nutrition, exercise, meditation—not as a checklist, but as a way of honoring my body and spirit.

• I became clearer about my direction in life, aligning my choices with what I value most.

• I discovered a greater capacity for joy, authenticity, and ease.

These weren’t small adjustments—they were signs of a profound becoming.

What Healing Really Means

Pia Mellody’s work gave me language for this transformation. She teaches that many of our adult struggles—shame, codependency, unhealthy relationships—stem from childhood relational trauma. Healing, in her model, isn’t about fixing what’s broken. It’s about becoming the “functional adult” we were always meant to be.

That becoming looks like:

• Reparenting the inner child with love and structure.

• Balancing truth and love in relationships.

• Breaking free from shame and codependency.

• Living authentically, without fear of rejection.

Through this lens, healing is not a destination. It’s a way of being.

 The Ongoing Journey

I no longer see healing as a finish line. It’s a daily practice, a rhythm of becoming. Some days I stumble, but I recover more quickly. Some days I feel the old wounds, but I meet them with compassion instead of judgment.

Healing is becoming—becoming more grounded, more open, more at peace. It’s not about never being hurt again. It’s about knowing that when hurt comes, I have the tools, the trust, and the self-love to move through it.

And maybe that’s the most profound sign of healing: not that life stops being hard, but that we stop abandoning ourselves when it is.

 How to Get Started on Your Own Journey of Healing

If you’re wondering where to begin, here are some gentle but powerful steps to start your own becoming:

1. Notice your patterns – Pay attention to how you react, what triggers you, and where you feel stuck. Awareness is the first step toward change.

2. Practice self-care as self-respect – Nourish your body, move it, rest it, and quiet your mind. These aren’t luxuries; they’re foundations.

3. Explore your values – Ask yourself what truly matters to you, and begin aligning your choices with those values.

4. Set boundaries – Learn to say yes when it’s true and no when it’s necessary. Boundaries are acts of love for yourself and others.

5. Seek support – Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Whether through therapy, recovery groups, or trusted friends, let yourself be supported.

6. Be patient with the process – Healing is not linear. Celebrate progress, even when it feels small.

Healing is not about becoming someone new—it’s about returning to yourself. The journey begins the moment you decide you are worthy of wholeness.