The Small Gaps Where Joy Lives

It Started With a Windy Afternoon in St. Petersburg

I met my son when he was 11 months old, bundled in layers inside a quiet orphanage in St. Petersburg, Russia. He had spent the first part of his life in institutional care—no toys, no family, no wind on his face. And yet, when I brought him home, joy poured out of him like sunlight through a cracked door.

He giggled at the rustle of leaves. He clapped for bath bubbles. He squealed when the wind brushed his cheeks. Watching him discover the world felt like watching joy be born. Not the kind of joy that demands fireworks or grand gestures—but the kind that lives in the ordinary. The kind that says, “This moment is enough.”

He taught me that joy isn’t something we earn after we’ve healed. It’s something we notice when we’re finally safe enough to feel.

Why We Forget How to Play

In our culture, play is often dismissed as childish, indulgent, or unproductive. We’re taught to trade spontaneity for structure, curiosity for control. Adults are expected to be serious, efficient, and goal-oriented—leaving little room for delight.

But neuroscience tells a different story. Dr. Stuart Brown, founder of the National Institute for Play, defines play as “voluntary, naturally motivated, and pleasurable.” He found that play activates brain regions tied to emotional regulation, creativity, and resilience. In fact, playful adults are more likely to cope with stress, reframe challenges, and experience greater life satisfaction.

Neuroscientist Jaak Panksepp even identified a dedicated “Play system” in the brain’s subcortical regions—shared by all mammals—that fuels emotional development and joy across the lifespan. Translation? Play isn’t a luxury. It’s a biological necessity.

When we relearn how to play, we don’t just reclaim silliness—we reopen the door to joy. Because joy often hides in the very places we were taught to overlook: the spontaneous, the sensory, the seemingly “unproductive.”

What Is Joy, Really?

Joy is not the same as happiness.

• Happiness often depends on circumstances.

• Joy is a quiet rebellion. It’s the soul whispering, “I’m still here.”

Joy is:

• The first sip of coffee when the house is quiet

• A dog’s tail thumping against the floor

• A favorite book reread for the fifth time

• A flower blooming in a crack in the sidewalk

• Witnessing something breathtaking and realizing you’re part of it

How to Find Joy Again (Especially After Healing)

Healing can feel like excavation—digging through grief, trauma, and old stories. But joy? Joy is what we plant in the soil afterward.

1. Practice Micro-Delight

Start small. Notice one beautiful thing a day.

• A color that moves you

• A texture that feels good

• A sound that makes you pause

2. Create a “Joy Shelf”

Curate a physical or digital space filled with things that spark delight.

• Photos, quotes, objects, textures

• Let it be a visual reminder that joy is real and reachable

3. Reclaim Play as an Adult

Play isn’t childish—it’s sacred.

• Dance in your kitchen

• Try finger painting

• Make up a silly song

• Let yourself be ridiculous

Play helps us:

• Reduce cortisol and boost endorphins

• Improve cognitive flexibility and memory

• Reconnect with autonomy and emotional balance

4. Use Your Body as a Barometer

Joy often feels like:

• A lightness in the chest

• A softening of the jaw

• A spontaneous smile

• Goosebumps or a deep breath

Let your body tell you when joy is near.

Final Thought

Joy isn’t the reward for healing. It’s the companion. It lives in the small gaps. It waits patiently in the wind, in the bubbles, in the books. And sometimes, it shows up in the eyes of a child who’s just discovered that toys exist.