Letting Go of Who They Think You Are: A Spiritual Unbinding

It starts early.

You’re five years old, and someone says, “Be good.” You’re praised for being quiet, polite, helpful. You learn that approval feels like love—and that love must be earned.

Later, you’re a student, an athlete, a sibling, a star. You get gold stars, trophies, compliments. You learn that being seen a certain way is safer than being seen fully.

Then you grow up. You become a CEO, a Director, a Vice President. A healer, a spouse, a parent. You collect titles like armor. And somewhere along the way, you start to believe that these roles are you. That your worth depends on how well you perform them. That if you disappoint someone, you disappear.

But the soul knows better.

The soul doesn’t care about titles. It doesn’t care about reputation. It cares about truth. And truth often asks you to shed what’s polished, what’s expected, what’s performative—so you can become something deeper, something freer, something real.

 A Personal Story: What My Father Taught Me About Identity

I watched my father climb to the top of his field. He was brilliant, driven, and wildly successful. He made millions. His reputation in the community was pristine. People admired him. He was respected, even revered.

But behind closed doors, he was deeply unhappy.

He took out that unhappiness at home. He drank to cope with the emptiness. And though he had everything the world told him should make him feel fulfilled, it was never enough. In the end, he died with the millions—but alone.

Watching that shaped me.

It taught me that there’s nothing wrong with making money. There’s nothing wrong with ambition. There’s nothing wrong with having goals, striving for excellence, or building something great. But those things are not the totality of who you are. When you cling too tightly to your roles, your titles, your image—when you believe they define your worth—you risk losing yourself when they inevitably change or disappear.

That lesson lives in me. It’s why I’ve chosen a different path.

A path where success isn’t just about what I build—it’s about how I show up while building it. A path where I ask, “How can I use what I’ve built to help others?” A path where I measure success not just by outcomes, but by the kind of person I become in the process.

 The Illusion of Approval — and the Ego’s Trap

Wayne Dyer, one of the most beloved spiritual teachers of our time, said it plainly:

“What other people think of me is none of my business.”

He taught that the need for external validation is a trap of the ego. The ego is not your enemy—but it is your mask. It’s the part of you that wants to be liked, admired, respected. It thrives on identity, image, and control. But spiritually, the ego is a fragile construct. It’s built on fear: “If I’m not seen a certain way, I won’t be safe.”

The danger of the ego is that it confuses performance with presence. It tells you that your worth depends on your titles, your reputation, your ability to meet expectations. And when you believe it, you start living from the outside in—rather than the inside out.

“You are not what you do. If you are what you do, then when you don’t… you aren’t.” — Wayne Dyer, Your Erroneous Zones

But the ego doesn’t just crave approval—it fears authenticity. It fears:

• Rejection: What if they don’t like the real me?

• Judgment: What if I’m misunderstood?

• Transformation: What if I outgrow the identity that made me feel safe?

This fear keeps us small. It keeps us performing. It keeps us from becoming.

In Your Sacred Self, Dyer writes:

“The ego is only an illusion, but a very influential one. Letting the ego go is the beginning of spiritual awakening.”

When we begin to loosen its grip, we make space for something deeper: the soul’s quiet wisdom. And that wisdom doesn’t seek applause—it seeks alignment.

 Living from the Inside Out

Most of us are taught to live from the outside in.

We chase approval, status, and success. We measure our worth by how others respond to us—by the compliments, the promotions, the likes, the applause. We shape our choices around what will be accepted, admired, or rewarded. And in doing so, we often lose touch with our own inner compass.

Living from the outside in means:

• Making decisions based on fear of judgment

• Seeking validation before trusting your own voice

• Performing instead of expressing

• Asking, “What will they think?” instead of “What feels true?”

But living from the inside out is a radical shift.

It means letting your inner truth lead. It means aligning your actions with your values, not your image. It means trusting your intuition more than your reputation. It means asking, “What do I know is right?” instead of “What will make me look good?”

Living from the inside out doesn’t mean you stop caring about others—it means you stop abandoning yourself to please them.

It’s not always easy. It requires courage, clarity, and a willingness to disappoint people in order to stay true. But it’s the only path to real peace. Because when your life is built on inner alignment, not outer approval, you become unshakable.

Wayne Dyer called this the shift from ego to essence. From image to integrity. From fear to freedom.

The Cost of Clinging to Identity

We hold tightly to our roles—CEO, Director, healer, spouse, parent—because they feel safe. They give us structure, meaning, and a sense of belonging. But sometimes, those very roles become cages. We fear that if we let go of who we’ve been, we’ll lose everything.

And then life happens.

A divorce. A breakup. A job loss. A child leaves home. A title is taken away. A role dissolves.

And suddenly, the identity we clung to is gone—and with it, our sense of self. This is the danger of over-identifying with roles: when they disappear, we feel like we disappear too.

But the truth is: you were never just that role. You are not the job. You are not the relationship. You are not the title. You are the one who held those roles—not the roles themselves.

Elizabeth Lesser, in Broken Open, writes:

“The difficult times we fear might ruin us are the very ones that can break us open and help us blossom into who we were meant to be.”

When we stop performing and start listening, we begin to hear the quiet voice of our soul. And that voice doesn’t care about your résumé. It cares about your realness.

 The Warrior’s Path: Inner Honor Over Outer Image

In martial arts traditions, especially those rooted in Zen and Taoism, the warrior does not train for applause. The samurai of the Bushido code lived by internal honor, not public approval. Their strength came from discipline, humility, and alignment—not from being liked.

“Care about people’s approval and you will be their prisoner.” — Lao Tzu

The martial artist falls without shame, rises without fanfare, and moves with quiet integrity. This is the way of the spiritual warrior: to be loyal to your path, not your persona.

 A Practice of Spiritual Unbinding

Spiritual unbinding isn’t a checklist—it’s a way of living.

It’s the quiet decision to stop performing and start listening. It’s the moment you choose truth over approval. It’s the daily devotion to becoming, not impressing.

For me, spiritual unbinding looks like this:

• Asking better questions: Not “How do I look?” but “Am I aligned?” Not “Will they approve?” but “Is this true for me?”

• Letting silence speak: I spend time alone—not to escape, but to hear what’s underneath the noise.

• Creating from integrity: Whether I’m building a business, writing a message, or having a conversation—I ask, “Am I bringing my whole self to this?”

• Helping from wholeness: I use what I’ve built to serve others. Not to prove my worth, but to share it.

Spiritual unbinding is not about being fearless—it’s about being faithful to your soul, even when fear is loud.

It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being present.

It’s not about being understood—it’s about being real.

 Closing Reflection

You are not your reputation. You are not your résumé. You are not the version of you that others have decided to accept.

You are a soul in motion—becoming, shedding, awakening.

“The moment you stop worrying what others think is the moment you start hearing your soul.” — inspired by Wayne Dyer

Let that be the moment you begin again.