“Healing begins the moment you stop abandoning yourself.” 

I haven’t written a personal blog in a while, but this one needs to come from me—not just as a therapist, but as a human being who has walked through her own healing.

I want to tell you something I’ve learned — not the hard way, but the most liberating way: You should absolutely go on a healing journey.

Not because it’s trendy. Not because it’s easy. Not because it makes you look enlightened.

But because it will change your life in ways you can’t fully understand until you’re on the other side of it.

When I started my own healing journey, it didn’t feel like a gift. It felt like grief. It felt like looking at parts of myself I had spent years avoiding. It felt like sitting with wounds I didn’t want to acknowledge and truths I didn’t want to say out loud. I can absolutely understand why some people choose not to do this work. It asks everything of you.

But on the other side of that discomfort is a kind of inner peace that is almost impossible to describe until you feel it. It’s a quiet knowing that you’re going to be okay. It’s the moment you realize you’re no longer living from your wounds—you’re living from your wisdom.

Healing softens you. Healing strengthens you. Healing makes you more you.

You start to see yourself through new eyes—kinder, clearer, more honest. You begin making choices that are aligned with who you truly are, not who you had to be to survive. You stop apologizing for your needs. You stop abandoning yourself to keep the peace. You stop shrinking to make others comfortable.

And here’s something important: Stopping the shrinking doesn’t mean you harden. It doesn’t mean you become cold, harsh, or unapproachable. It doesn’t mean you turn into someone who bulldozes others or stops caring.

You can stop shrinking and still be kind. You can stop shrinking and still be gentle. You can stop shrinking and still be respectful.

You simply stop betraying yourself. You stop swallowing your truth. You stop pretending you’re okay when you’re not. You stop saying “it’s fine” when it isn’t.

You learn to say what you mean and mean what you say—without cruelty, without sharp edges, without abandoning your softness. That is real strength. That is real healing.

And yes—there’s a truth no one warns you about: healing can feel lonely at times.

Not everyone chooses this path. Not everyone wants to look at themselves. Not everyone is ready to grow.

Some people will never understand your perspective. Some won’t notice your growth. Some will say, “You’ve changed,” as if that’s a bad thing.

But the ones who can meet you—the ones who are capable of real connection—will tell you they’re proud of you. My adult kids have said it. My closest friends have said it. The people who truly know me have reflected back the shift—not a dramatic transformation, but a different way of carrying myself. A groundedness. A steadiness. A softness.

When you learn to like and love yourself, you stop worrying about what other people think. You laugh louder. You breathe deeper. You notice the good. Gratitude becomes your default setting. You stop living in survival mode and start living in color again.

And here’s the part I want you to hear clearly: Healing is not a final destination. It’s a lifelong unfolding.

You can absolutely heal within relationships. It doesn’t have to be a solitary warrior’s journey where you’re bruised, exhausted, and carrying emotional armor. Healing can happen in community, in partnership, in friendship, in the presence of people who hold space for your becoming.

But it always starts with truth.

The Strange Truth About Healing: You End Up Healing What You Didn’t Break

There’s another truth about healing that no one prepares you for: When you choose to heal, you end up healing things you didn’t cause.

You end up grieving wounds that weren’t your fault. You end up breaking patterns that didn’t start with you. You end up doing emotional labor that the people who hurt you never did. You end up becoming the cycle‑breaker in a family that may never acknowledge it.

And that is one of the strangest, most sacred parts of the journey.

Healing asks you to look at the places where love was inconsistent, where boundaries were unclear, where emotional safety was absent. It asks you to feel the grief of what you didn’t receive. It asks you to stop pretending that “it wasn’t that bad.” It asks you to tell the truth about the impact—even when the people who caused the harm refuse to.

And here’s the part that feels almost surreal: You end up healing from people who will never heal themselves.

You grow while they stay the same. You evolve while they cling to denial. You learn emotional language while they remain silent. You develop boundaries while they continue their patterns. You become self‑aware while they avoid every mirror.

It’s disorienting. It’s painful. It’s lonely at times.

But it’s also liberation.

Because when you heal, you stop passing the wound forward. You stop reenacting the same patterns in your relationships. You stop repeating the same emotional inheritance. You stop carrying what was never yours to hold.

This is how generational patterns break—not through blame, but through awareness. Not through confrontation, but through transformation. Not through forcing others to change, but through choosing to change yourself.

And the most beautiful part? Your healing becomes a doorway for the people who come after you.

So How Do You Actually Begin?

After you’ve spent enough time on the healing path, something shifts. You stop asking, “Why did this happen to me?” and you start asking, “What do I need to do to stop abandoning myself?”

Because that’s really what healing is: a return to yourself. A return to your truth. A return to the parts of you that learned to stay quiet, stay small, stay agreeable, stay invisible, stay strong, stay silent, stay “fine.”

And this is where Caroline Myss’s wisdom becomes a compass. She teaches that healing begins the moment you stop betraying yourself — the moment you stop leaking your power into old wounds, old patterns, and old identities that were never meant to carry you into the life you’re building now.

So the question becomes: How do you actually begin?

Caroline Myss–Style Wisdom: How to Stop Betraying Yourself

Self‑betrayal is subtle. It looks like:

• saying “yes” when your body says “no”

• staying silent to keep the peace

• shrinking so someone else feels comfortable

• abandoning your intuition

• tolerating what hurts you

Every time you betray yourself, you leak power. You disconnect from your inner authority. You weaken your ability to trust yourself.

Healing begins when you stop negotiating with your truth.

It looks like:

• honoring your body’s first signal

• choosing honesty over approval

• setting boundaries without apology

• listening to your intuition even when it’s inconvenient

• walking away from what your soul has outgrown

This is the moment your energy reorganizes. This is the moment your life begins to align. This is the moment you stop living from your wounds and start living from your wisdom.

How to Start Your Healing Journey

Healing doesn’t have to look like one thing. Here are real, accessible ways to begin:

1. It doesn’t have to be traditional talk therapy (In fact- I would encourage you to explore other modalities; energy healing and asian wisdom have done so much for me personally and professionally.) Keep an open mind--you never know what might click for you!)

Healing can look like:

• exploring spirituality

• meditation

• yoga

• working with a spiritual director

• somatic or embodiment‑based trauma therapy

• energy healing (Reiki, breathwork, sound healing)

• expressive arts

• community support

2. If you choose therapy, choose wisely (not everyone is a good fit)

Ask questions like:

• “How do you approach trauma?”

• “How do you integrate the body into healing?”

• “What does emotional safety mean to you?”

• “What is your philosophy of healing?”

• “How do you support clients in developing self‑trust?”

You’re not looking for a guru. You’re looking for a partner in your healing.

Closing Meditation: “Return to Yourself”

Find a comfortable position. Let your breath settle. Let your shoulders drop.

Bring to mind the version of you who has been waiting to be heard. Not to judge them—just to notice.

Place a hand on your chest. Feel the rise and fall.

Ask yourself softly: Where have I abandoned myself? What truth have I been avoiding? What part of me is ready to come home?

Imagine gathering those pieces gently. Imagine offering them compassion. Imagine becoming whole again—not perfect, just whole.

Stay here for a moment. Let the truth settle in your body before it ever reaches your lips.

Journaling Questions

1. What truth have I been avoiding about my own healing

2. What wounds am I carrying that didn’t start with me

3. Where have I betrayed myself in small or subtle ways

4. What would it look like to stop abandoning myself

5. What support do I need to begin healing

6. What generational pattern am I choosing to end

7. What would it feel like to live in alignment with my truth