Protecting My Peace or Avoiding My Life?

A Nervous System Take on a Trend That’s Everywhere**

“Peace that requires me to hide isn’t peace — it’s fear dressed up as rest.” — Leslie Noble

I’ve always considered myself an ambivert — a little bit of both. I can be perfectly content at home with a book, a blanket, and a quiet room, but I also know we’re meant for connection. I know how to walk into a room, find my people, and genuinely enjoy getting to know them.

But if I’m honest, I lean more toward the introverted side. This weekend’s ice storm has been an introvert’s dream: books stacked on the nightstand, the fireplace humming, my journal open, and nowhere I have to be. I’ve been in heaven.

And while I was curled up in all that quiet, I kept seeing the same phrase online:

“Protect your peace.”

It’s everywhere — captions, reels, TikToks, therapy memes, even corporate wellness posts. And don’t get me wrong, I believe in protecting your peace. I believe in boundaries, rest, and choosing environments where your nervous system doesn’t have to fight for its life.

But lately I’ve been wondering something that feels important:

Are we protecting our peace, or are we avoiding anything that challenges us?

Because there’s a difference between honoring your limits and disappearing from your life. There’s a difference between choosing calm and choosing comfort. There’s a difference between safety and avoidance — and they feel very different in the body.

The Trend: When “Protect My Peace” Becomes a Shield

Somewhere along the way, “protect my peace” became a catch‑all phrase for everything from setting boundaries to ghosting people to avoiding hard conversations. And while some of that is healthy, some of it is just fear wearing a wellness hoodie.

We’ve started labeling anything uncomfortable as “toxic.” We’ve started calling every boundary “healing.” We’ve started confusing emotional avoidance with emotional maturity.

But not everything that challenges you is a threat to your peace. Some things are simply uncomfortable. Some things require courage. Some things require staying present long enough to grow.

Real peace isn’t fragile. Real peace doesn’t require you to hide. Real peace can withstand discomfort, conflict, and repair.

Avoidance can’t.

Pulling Back vs. Avoidance: They Look the Same, But They’re Not

On the outside, both behaviors look identical:

• Not texting back

• Canceling plans

• Needing space

• Being less available

• Going quiet

But the motives are different. The felt sense is different. The outcome is different.

Pulling Back = Regulation

Pulling back is intentional. It’s grounded. It’s a boundary, not a reaction.

It sounds like: “I need space to hear myself again.” “My body is asking for quiet.” “I’m choosing where my energy goes.”

It feels like:

• Shoulders dropping

• Breath returning

• Clarity

• Relief

• Presence

Pulling back is a return to self.

Avoidance = Activation

Avoidance is fear dressed up as self-care.

It sounds like: “If I don’t respond, I can’t get hurt.” “If I disappear, no one can expect anything from me.” “If I stay quiet, I won’t be rejected.”

It feels like:

• Tight chest

• Overthinking

• Guilt

• Numbness

• Hypervigilance

Avoidance is a protective reflex, not a boundary.

Your body always tells the truth.

Getting Comfortable With Growth (Even When People Think It’s Weird)

The funny thing about pulling back is that people assume it means you’re retreating or slowing down. But for me, it’s the opposite. I pull back so I can grow. I pull back so I can hear myself. I pull back so I can stay awake to my own life.

And I’ve tried things in the last few years that some people don’t expect from a woman in midlife.

Martial arts. Starting a business. Trying new hobbies, new friendships, new adventures.

I’ve even had a friend say, “Calm down already,” in a teasing way — as if life stops offering invitations at a certain age. As if curiosity has an expiration date. As if growth is only for the young.

But I know how important it is to challenge myself. I know how dangerous it is to stop trying. I know what happens when your world quietly shrinks to the size of your couch and your phone screen.

It’s too easy to sit at home doom‑scrolling until 1 a.m., convincing yourself you’re “protecting your peace” when really… you’re avoiding your life.

And I refuse to do that.

There is too much life to be lived. Too many people to meet. Too many opportunities to try. Too many places to travel. Too much laughter waiting in rooms I haven’t walked into yet. Too many new friends I haven’t met. Too many challenges that will grow me in ways comfort never could.

I want to live every last drop of my life — not just the safe parts, not just the predictable parts, not just the parts that fit neatly into other people’s expectations of what a woman “my age” should be doing.

 A Final Word on Living Fully

So yes, I pull back when I’m tired. I rest when my body asks for quiet. I pause when life feels loud.

But I don’t pull back to avoid my life. I pull back so I can participate in it with intention.

Because I refuse to let fear disguise itself as peace. I refuse to sit on the sidelines of my own story. I refuse to let comfort talk me out of becoming who I’m meant to be.

There is so much life left to live — and I want all of it. The growth. The joy. The challenges. The new beginnings. The unexpected friendships. The adventures I haven’t imagined yet.

I’m not here to disappear. I’m here to live — fully, honestly, and awake.

And protecting my peace will never mean abandoning my life.

Journal Questions for Your Own Reflection

1. When I “protect my peace,” what am I actually protecting — my nervous system or my comfort zone?

2. Where in my life am I pulling back in a healthy way, and where am I quietly avoiding something that scares me?

3. What is one area where discomfort might actually be an invitation to grow?

4. What part of my life feels under‑lived right now?

5. What is one brave, curious, or life‑giving thing I want to try this year — even if people don’t understand it?