One of my friends was reading my recent blog — The Myth of the Strong Woman — and she read it out loud to her husband. When she finished, he looked at her and said, “Ask Leslie if she’s going to write something about what men struggle with too.”

So, sir… this one’s for you. (And honestly, for every man who has ever carried more than he could say.)

Here’s the truth: Any time I advocate for women, someone assumes I’m the feminist out in the street burning bras and yelling at men. But that’s never been my work. I sit with men in my practice every week. I hear their stories. I see their exhaustion. I know the unfair burdens they carry too — the ones they’re not allowed to name without being mocked, minimized, or dismissed.

Women inherited a myth about strength. Men did too. Different costumes, same cage.

This blog is my attempt to name the weight men carry — the weight no one says out loud.

The Myth Men Are Raised On

 From the time they’re boys, men are handed a script:

• Be strong

• Don’t cry

• Handle it

• Provide

• Protect

• Don’t need anything

• Don’t break

• Don’t ask for help

• Don’t be “too emotional”

It sounds noble. It sounds heroic. It sounds like leadership.

But what it really teaches is this:

Your worth is in what you carry, not who you are. Your value is in your silence, not your truth. Your strength is measured by how little you need.

This isn’t masculinity — it’s emotional exile.

The Weight No One Sees

 Men carry:

• The pressure to provide financially

• The fear of failing their families

• The shame of not knowing how to express emotion

• The expectation to be calm, steady, unshakable

• The loneliness of being everyone’s rock but no one’s responsibility

• The internal war between wanting connection and fearing vulnerability

• The exhaustion of pretending they’re fine when they’re not

And because the myth says “strong men don’t talk,” they carry it all in silence.

Women often say, “He doesn’t open up.” But many men were never taught how. They were taught to armor up, not open up.

How This Myth Shows Up in Relationships

 I see it in couples every week:

• Men who love deeply but don’t have the language for it

• Men who shut down because they don’t want to say the wrong thing

• Men who withdraw because they feel like failures

• Men who want to be supportive but don’t know how to show it

• Men who explode only after months of holding everything in

• Men who feel invisible unless they’re performing or providing

And underneath all of it is a boy who was told, “Don’t cry. Don’t need. Don’t feel.”

The Cultural Moment We’re In

 Women are exhausted from carrying emotional labor. Men are exhausted from carrying silent burdens. Both are hurting. Both are misunderstood. Both are longing for connection but trapped in roles that keep them apart.

This isn’t a gender war. It’s a generational wound.

How Women Sometimes Reinforce the Myth (Gently, Lovingly, Don't Come at Me Women!..lol)

 We don’t mean to, but we do:

• Praising men only when they’re stoic

• Expecting them to “just handle it”

• Mocking vulnerability as weakness

• Rewarding emotional distance as “strength”

• Shaming them when they finally break

We inherited the same system. We’re all breathing the same air.

Naming this isn’t blame — it’s liberation.

**What Healthy Masculinity Looks Like

 (Through the Lens of The Way of the Superior Man)**

David Deida’s The Way of the Superior Man has been a touchstone for many men who are trying to understand themselves beyond the old scripts of stoicism, silence, and self-sacrifice. His work isn’t about dominance or perfection — it’s about presence, purpose, and emotional integrity.

Here are a few of the core teachings he offers men about what mature masculinity actually looks like:

1. Live From Your Deepest Purpose

 A man’s fulfillment doesn’t come from performance or approval — it comes from alignment with his inner truth. Not hustling. Not pretending. Not performing strength. But knowing who he is and what he stands for.

2. Lead With Presence, Not Control

 Masculinity isn’t about overpowering anyone. It’s about being grounded, steady, and emotionally available. Presence is the opposite of withdrawal — it’s the ability to stay open, stay connected, and stay in the room even when things get hard.

3. Feel Everything, But Don’t Collapse

 Deida doesn’t tell men to suppress emotion. He tells them to feel fully — without shutting down, numbing out, or exploding. This is emotional maturity: the capacity to experience intensity without losing yourself in it.

4. Offer Your Heart Without Losing Your Backbone

 Healthy masculinity is both soft and strong. It’s the ability to love deeply without abandoning self-respect. To be open without being overrun. To be generous without becoming resentful.

5. Stop Seeking Permission to Be Yourself

 A “superior man” is not superior to others; he is simply no longer performing for approval. He stops outsourcing his worth — to partners, to work, to culture — and begins living from authenticity.

6. Honor the Feminine Without Trying to Fix It

 The feminine is not a problem to solve. It’s an energy to witness, honor, and appreciate. This alone could transform half the couples I work with. Side Note: (There is a difference between concern, support, protectiion, and trying to "fix".)

7. Take Radical Responsibility for Your Energy

 Not blame. Not shame. Not self-punishment. Responsibility. The ability to say: “I know what I’m feeling. I know what I’m bringing. And I’m willing to work with it.”

8. Let Your Life Be an Expression of Love

 At the core of Deida’s work is this: Masculinity is not about armor — it’s about devotion. To truth. To purpose. To love. To presence. To becoming the kind of man who brings more consciousness into every room he enters.

A Closing Word (for my friend’s husband)

 Men were never meant to be stone. They were meant to be human — tender, brave, flawed, growing.

And when we allow men to be human, we create relationships where everyone can finally breathe.

Journal Questions for Reflection

• What did I learn growing up about what a “real man” is supposed to be?

• How do I respond when a man shows vulnerability?

• What burdens do the men in my life carry silently?

• Where have I expected men to be strong in ways that cost them connection?

• What would it look like to invite emotional safety instead of emotional performance?

• How do I want masculinity to feel in my relationships?

• What parts of the “strong man” myth still live in me — and what am I ready to release?