Where Jiu Jitsu Met the Person I’d Become

“Giving up is not in my DNA. Even when it takes years, I will rise.” — Leslie Noble

The Roll That Reminded Me Who I Am

Last night in Jiu Jitsu, one of the instructors had us practicing front rolls — my favorite....says no one ever. I know I looked ridiculous. My body was doing everything except what it was supposed to do. But he stood there with this steady kindness, guiding me through it, reminding me not to get discouraged.

After class he said, “Just keep trying. You’ll get it.”

I just smiled and said, “I won’t give up.”

Because giving up is not in my DNA. It never has been. It might take me five years, but I will eventually roll over. That’s just who I am.

What he didn’t know is that Jiu Jitsu isn’t where I learned that. It’s simply where that part of me was reflected back.

The Legacy of Not Giving Up

Long before I ever stepped on a mat, I watched two people live out the quiet, steady kind of resilience that shapes a family.

When my grandmother was in her 40s, she was in a devastating car accident while my mom was in college. The accident left her permanently disabled. She walked with a cane. She lived with chronic pain so sharp it would take her breath away. And yet — she lived until she was 86.

My grandparents didn’t have a traditional marriage because of her disability. My grandfather worked, but he also did all the household duties because my grandmother physically couldn’t. They were married for nearly 60 years.

And they never gave up on each other.

My grandmother never gave up on life, even when pain was her daily companion. My grandfather never gave up on her, even when the weight of responsibility was heavy. They took what life handed them and still loved each other deeply. I never heard them complain.

When I was little, I’d catch my grandfather kissing my grandmother and say, “Gross!” (like kids do).

Now I see the love.

Now I see devotion. Resilience. A love that honored in sickness and in health in the most literal way.

I think the whisper of “don’t give up” was modeled for me long before I ever knew I’d need it.

The Unromantic Truth About Healing

Part of rising — the part no one glamorizes — is simply not giving up.

I wish I had a magical formula for resilience. I wish I could bottle it up and hand it to people who are hurting. But the truth is simpler and harder:

You don’t give up, by deciding, every single day.... that you’re worth the effort.

Not in big dramatic ways. Not in grand gestures. But in tiny, stubborn, almost invisible choices.

You don’t give up when you show up to the mat even though you hate front rolls. You don’t give up when you try again even though you look ridiculous. You don’t give up when someone kind tells you, “Don’t get discouraged,” and something in you quietly answers, “I won’t give up.”

And that’s when I think about something I read along time ago— what the Navy SEALs know about not giving up.

Their mantra is simple and brutal: “The only easy day was yesterday.” Meaning: if you’re growing, it’s going to be hard — and you keep going anyway.

Their mindset translates beautifully to healing.

What Navy SEALs Know About Not Quitting

Here are three things Navy SEALs are taught that apply directly to rebuilding your life:

1. The 40% Rule — You’re Not Done When You Think You Are

SEALs are taught that when your mind says you’re done, you’re actually only at about 40% of your true capacity. Your mind quits long before your spirit does.

Healing is the same. When you think you’ve hit your limit, you haven’t. When you think you can’t take another step, you usually can.

2. One Evolution at a Time — Break the Impossible Into the Doable

SEALs survive brutal training by focusing on the next evolution, not the whole day or week.

Just the next task. The next breath. The next moment.

Healing works the same way. You don’t rebuild your life all at once. You do it one small act of self‑loyalty at a time.

3. Don’t Ring the Bell — Don’t Quit on Yourself

In SEAL training, there’s a brass bell. If you ring it, you’re done. You quit. You’re out.

The instructors don’t have to break you — they just wait to see if you’ll break yourself.

Healing has its own version of that bell. The temptation to give up. To shut down. To stop trying.

Don’t ring the bell on yourself.

How Not to Give Up on Your Healing (No Matter What You’re Healing From)

Whether you’re healing from divorce, betrayal, loss, trauma, or abuse — the path is rarely straight. But there are ways to stay in it, even when it feels impossible.

1. Be tender with yourself

You don’t have to be strong every moment. You don’t have to pretend you’re fine. Tenderness is strength too — the kind that keeps you soft enough to keep going.

2. Keep one promise to yourself

Not ten. Not twenty. Just one. Tne promise kept builds trust with yourself again.

3. Let people help you

Healing doesn’t mean doing everything alone. Let someone sit with you. Let someone listen. Let someone remind you you’re not broken beyond repair.

4. Stop expecting your old self to come back

You’re not going backward. You’re becoming someone wiser, deeper, stronger.

5. Rest without quitting

Rest is not giving up. Rest is strategy. Rest is how you keep going.

6. Tell the truth about what hurt you

Healing doesn’t happen in denial. It happens in honesty — even when the truth shakes.

7. Remember who you’re becoming

Not the person you were. Not the person pain tried to turn you into. But the person who refuses to give up on themselves.

Journal Questions

• Where in your life have you been tempted to “ring the bell” on yourself?

• What is one small promise you can keep to yourself this week?

• Who modeled resilience for you — and what did they teach you without ever saying it?

• What part of your healing needs tenderness instead of pressure?

• What would it look like to take your next evolution — not the whole journey, just the next step?