“If all you do is follow the herd, you'll just be stepping in poop all day.” — Wayne Dyer

Wayne Dyer had a gift for saying things that made you laugh and squirm at the same time. This line is funny, a little irreverent, and painfully true. Because let’s be honest: following the herd feels safe, but it rarely leads to joy. More often, it leaves us with messy shoes and a nagging sense that we’re living someone else’s life.

 My “Good Girl” Story

I grew up being the “good girl.” I never got in trouble, my homework was always done on time, and if my curfew was midnight, you could bet I was walking through the door at 11:59. That pattern followed me into adulthood, shaping how I thought life was supposed to work: if I was good, then everything would fall into place.

But being the “good girl” also made me dim myself. It kept me from following the path I knew was true for me—whether that was choosing relationships that felt authentic, parenting my children in ways that honored my values, or pursuing work that aligned with my soul. I’ve always been an out-of-the-box thinker, but I always dimmed my perspective instead of trusting it.

And I think, in a way, we all do it. We want to stay loyal to the people who raised us, the community that built us, the traditions that shaped us. But sometimes the cost of following what is not true for you comes at a very high cost. Dimming your perspective may let you go along with the crowd, but in the process it kills your soul.

 What Therapy Taught Me

The reason I’ve shifted this perspective so deeply is because of my years as a therapist. Over and over, I’ve seen the same painful pattern: people are absolutely miserable following a formula they thought was “the right way.” And when that formula failed them, they didn’t question the herd mentality itself—they blamed themselves.

They rarely stop to ask: What do I truly want in life? What kind of partner fits me? What career aligns with my gifts? What hobbies or fun feel alive for me? Instead, they try to fit a square peg into a round hole and call it “good.”

Why? Because we’re shamed for thinking differently. We’re told that stepping outside the herd makes us wrong, selfish, or broken. And that shame has cost us dearly. We no longer allow other viewpoints, because we’re afraid that if someone else sees things differently, it might mean we’re wrong. And if we’re wrong, we’d have to let go of the control and fantasy we’ve worked so hard to build.

But here’s the radical reframe: What if the formula was meant to come crashing down? What if its failure is the very thing that allows us to grow, to question, and to finally discover what truly aligns for us?

 The Growth

Wayne Dyer often spoke about the dangers of herd mentality in books like Your Erroneous Zones and Pulling Your Own Strings. He warned that living by other people’s expectations leads to mediocrity and unhappiness. His point was simple: if you let the crowd define your choices, you lose touch with your authentic self.

That wisdom resonates with what I’ve seen in therapy and in my own life. Because what people don’t always realize is that both can be true at the same time—you can honor tradition and still bring fresh perspective. You can love what you love and respect that others love different things. This duality is hard for us to embrace, but it’s what makes us multifaceted and interesting.

 The Cost of Herd Mentality

The cost of herd mentality is steep. When we blindly follow, we don’t evolve—we stay stuck in the same divide, wondering why the traditions we hold so dear no longer work for people. Look around: churches are almost empty, not because faith has lost meaning, but because the institutions haven’t evolved to meet the hearts and lives of today.

On a personal level, herd mentality breeds self-loathing and a lack of trust in ourselves. Deep down, we know when we’re not being honest with ourselves. We feel the dissonance of living a life that doesn’t fit, and instead of questioning the formula, we blame ourselves. We dim the goodness we could bring into the world.

And collectively, we shun different perspectives. We fear that if someone else sees things differently, it might mean we’re wrong. That fear keeps us clinging to control and to the fantasy we’ve worked so hard to build. But the truth is, different perspectives are what spark growth, curiosity, and change. Without them, we stagnate.

 Spiritual Wisdom

This lesson echoes through spiritual traditions:

• Buddha urged us to “be a lamp unto yourself.”

• Jesus spoke of entering by the narrow gate.

• Non-duality teachers remind us that the herd is an illusion; freedom comes from radical presence.

Each points to the same truth: authenticity requires courage. It asks us to honor both our goodness and our curiosity, to step out of the herd and into the mystery of our own soul.

🛠 Practical Takeaways

Here are a few gentle practices to help you step out of the herd:

• Notice when you’re dimming yourself to fit an image.

• Pause before saying “yes” to what everyone else is doing.

• Practice the radical humility of “I don’t know”—it opens space for authentic choice.

• Ask yourself: Does this decision align with my soul, or just with someone else’s expectations?

Closing Reflection

Following the herd might keep you safe, but it also keeps you stuck in the muck. Life’s too short to spend it scraping your shoes. Step out of the herd, even if it feels scary—you might just find solid ground.

Reflective question: Where in your life are you ready to stop dimming yourself and start speaking your truth?