Stop Calling It Settling: Maybe You’re Just Waking Up

Earlier this year, BuzzFeed ran a piece where people confessed how they felt about “settling” in relationships. One woman shared, “I settled and I’m good in life, but not happy. To be honest, I’m not even sure the romantic, infatuated love I wanted ever existed.” It was raw, honest, and painfully familiar. Because settling isn’t just about choosing someone—it’s about confronting the stories we’ve told ourselves about what love should look like.

We’ve been sold a fantasy—love that feels like fireworks every day, a partner who checks every box, a relationship that never asks us to compromise. Sounds divine, right? But here’s the truth: chasing perfection is often just fear dressed up as ambition.

 The Myth of the “Perfect Person”

You’re not looking for a soulmate. You’re looking for a mirror that flatters you. Someone who validates your quirks, your wounds, your wishlist. But real love? It’s not a mirror—it’s a magnifying glass. It shows you where you still need to grow. It asks you to stretch. To soften. To stay.

So when you say, “I don’t want to settle,” ask yourself: are you protecting your standards, or your ego?

Settling feels passive. Like giving up. But choosing? That’s power.

Choosing someone who’s imperfect but present. Who’s not your fantasy, but your reality. Who doesn’t complete you—but holds space for your becoming. That’s not settling. That’s spiritual maturity.

Because love isn’t about finding someone who fits your mold. It’s about finding someone who breaks it—and still makes you feel safe.

And let’s be clear: This isn’t about staying in something toxic, abusive, or emotionally unhealthy. Choosing someone doesn’t mean tolerating harm. Growth should feel challenging—not dangerous. If a relationship erodes your self-worth, isolates you, or makes you shrink, that’s not spiritual—it’s survival. And you deserve better than that.

The Spiritual Side of Love

Every relationship is a spiritual classroom. Not the kind with textbooks and lectures—but the kind where your soul gets homework. Where your triggers become teachers. Where your patterns get exposed, not to shame you, but to shape you.

Relationships are where theory meets practice. You can read all the self-help books, chant affirmations, meditate until your chakras hum—but until you’re in the messy, vulnerable, intimate space with another human being, you won’t know how deep your healing really goes.

Love will test your patience. Your pride. Your ability to forgive. It will ask you to listen when you want to defend. To stay when you want to flee. To soften when you want to harden.

“Relationships are assignments. They are the Holy Spirit’s laboratories in which we learn to love.” — Marianne Williamson

Some people come into your life to awaken you. Others to challenge you. A few to break you open. And if you’re lucky, one will stay long enough to help you rebuild.

So when you’re in a relationship that feels hard, don’t rush to label it as wrong. Ask instead: What is this teaching me? Because sometimes the most sacred unions are the ones that stretch you the most.

The Feeling We Keep Chasing

Here’s the trap: we chase a feeling. That rush. That spark. That high. We want love to feel like a movie montage—effortless, electric, eternal. But feelings are fleeting. They rise and fall. They’re weather, not climate.

Mature love isn’t a feeling. It’s a choice. A daily one.

You choose that person every morning. You choose them when you’re tired, when you’re triggered, when the fantasy fades and the real work begins. You choose them when it’s inconvenient. When it’s quiet. When it’s boring.

Commitment is a muscle. You build it through repetition, through presence, through showing up when it’s easier to check out. And like any muscle, it gets stronger the more you use it.

So if you’re waiting to feel your way into forever, you might miss the person who’s already standing in front of you—ready to be chosen.

What Are You Really Afraid Of?

Let’s be honest. Most people who fear settling are terrified of regret. Of waking up one day and realizing they chose comfort over chemistry. But here’s the truth: chemistry fades. Compatibility grows. And comfort? That’s not a cop-out—it’s a sacred space.

You don’t need someone who makes your heart race. You need someone who makes your soul exhale.

Final Thought & Call to Action

If you’re single and searching, don’t just look for sparks. Look for soil. Look for someone who’s willing to grow with you, not just glow with you.

And when you find them, don’t ask, “Is this settling?” Ask, “Is this sacred?”