A Personal Story: Closing the Door for Good

Someone who had been out of my life for years recently attempted to resurface. After several years of silence, they reached out as if the past could be revived.

But I am not the same person I was years ago. I have healed so much since then. I have worked hard to align my life with who I truly am and who I want to become. And when they reached out, I felt the clarity: this no longer serves me, my purpose, or my goals. So I politely wished them well… and said, “No thank you.”

It is easier sometimes to go back to the devil you know. Familiar pain can feel safer than the unknown. But the problem with that is simple: when you have worked so hard on healing, that door is shut permanently. I no longer water dead plants. I see the plant for what it is — what it values, how it grows, or doesn’t — and I let it remain dead.

This has become a phrase I use often with clients: “Stop watering dead plants.” Because when you are doing that, you are no longer becoming — you are stuck.

And that’s the heart of healing: it forces us to ask the hard questions. Why do we cling to what no longer serves us? Why do we resist stepping into the unknown, even when the familiar is already dead? Healing is not just about closing doors — it is about facing the deeper questions that arise when we choose growth over repetition.

 The Hard Questions of Healing

Healing asks questions that shake the foundations of who we think we are:

• Who would I be now if I healed?

• What greater responsibility would I have towards others and myself?

• How is staying stuck benefiting me?

• What would I have to give up?

 Looking Into the Mirror: Responsibility for Our Pain

Healing begins with honesty — the willingness to look into our own mirror. The mirror does not lie; it reflects the places where pain has shaped our choices, sometimes pulling us out of alignment with who we truly are or who we long to become.

Responsibility here does not mean blame. It means owning the truth that our pain has influenced our path, and recognizing that we now have the power to choose differently. To act from awareness rather than reaction. To align our choices with our healed self instead of our wounded self.

 Truth vs. Story: The Balance of Healing

Healing requires truth. To deny our wounds is to deny ourselves. Yet there is a delicate balance: we must be conscious of our pain without becoming stuck in the story of it.

• Truth liberates: Naming pain breaks denial, validates our experience, and opens space for compassion.

• Stories trap: When wounds become identity, the narrative repeats endlessly, reinforcing limitation instead of freedom.

Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us: “People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.” Truth lets us see the suffering; courage lets us step beyond it.

 Crossing Thresholds: What We Must Let Go

To heal and evolve, we must release what no longer serves the person we are becoming. Thresholds demand courage:

• Old stories

• Neglect of self-care

• Weak boundaries

• Relationships that no longer serve

• Fear of the unknown

• Comfort zones of thought

Thresholds are liminal spaces — places of transition where the old dissolves and the new emerges. They are uncomfortable, but they are sacred. To cross a threshold is to say: I am ready to evolve, even if I don’t know what awaits me.

 Closing Reflection

The real barrier to healing is not the wound itself, but the fear of who we might become without it. Healing asks us to step into responsibility, authenticity, and love. It asks us to give up the comfort of familiar pain. And yet, beyond that threshold lies freedom — not just for ourselves, but for everyone we touch.

To heal is to evolve, and to evolve is to let go. Old wounds, old identities, old masks — they may have protected us once, but they cannot carry us forward. The more we release, the more space we create for connection, growth, and love. Healing is not just about mending; it is about becoming.

Journaling Prompts for Healing and Growth

• What dead plants am I still watering?

• What threshold am I afraid to cross?

• What hidden “benefits” do I get from staying stuck?

• What would I have to give up to heal?

• What does my mirror show me?

• What does wholeness look like for me?