Who Is Lewis Howes?

Lewis Howes’ journey is a powerful example of resilience. Raised in Ohio, he struggled academically but found identity through athletics, becoming an All-American football player. When a career-ending injury ended his dreams, he hit rock bottom—broke and depressed on his sister’s couch. That moment became a turning point. Instead of clinging to the mask of “the athlete,” he rebuilt his life by seeking mentors, interviewing leaders, and embracing vulnerability. Today, he is a New York Times bestselling author, entrepreneur, and host of The School of Greatness podcast.

Why I Assign This Book to Men

In my couples work, The Mask of Masculinity is the book I consistently recommend to men. The feedback is clear: it’s the most helpful resource they’ve encountered. Lewis identifies nine masks men often wear to protect themselves, including:

The Stoic Mask – This is the tendency to hide emotions and pain, and presenting the facade of strength and control. 

The Athlete Mask – Defining identity and worth through physical ability, competition, and performance.

The Material Mask – Measuring success by possessions, wealth, or external status symbols.

The Sexual Mask – Equating masculinity with sexual conquest rather than intimacy or connection.

The Aggressive Mask – Using anger, dominance, or intimidation to cover insecurity and fear.

The Joker Mask – Relying on humor or sarcasm to deflect vulnerability and avoid serious emotions.

The Invincible Mask – Pretending to be untouchable, fearless, or immune to pain and failure.

The Know-It-All Mask – Hiding behind intellect, arrogance, or facts to avoid admitting uncertainty.

The Alpha Mask – Needing to be the leader, the strongest, or the one in control at all times.

 As Lewis writes, “The masks we wear to appear manly ultimately make us weaker and unhappy.”

 The feedback I always get from men as a therapist after they read the book "Ouch, that hurt a little, but helped so much!"

The Ripple Effect of Taking Off the Mask

When men shed these masks, the transformation ripples outward:

• Better employees – They collaborate, lead with empathy, and ask for help when needed.

• Better partners – Vulnerability deepens intimacy and connection.

• Better friends – Honesty and authenticity replace posturing.

• Better fathers – Children thrive when they see emotional openness modeled.

My Perspective as a Therapist

As a therapist, I have deep empathy for the weight that men carry. Often, when they are struggling or burdened, the cultural script tells them to “toughen up.” Instead of healing from wounds, they push them down, wearing masks that hide their pain. These masks may look like strength, but they prevent true healing and connection.

That’s why The Mask of Masculinity is so powerful. It gives men permission to name those burdens, to see how culture has defined what a man “must be,” and to realize that vulnerability is not weakness—it’s the doorway to growth. When men begin to shed these masks, they don’t just heal themselves; they transform how they show up as partners, employees, friends, and fathers.

Closing Reflection

Lewis Howes reminds us that masculinity isn’t about armor—it’s about authenticity. When men dare to take off the mask, they don’t lose strength; they gain it. And in doing so, they become the kind of employees, partners, friends, and fathers the world most needs.