What If You Are Already Good Enough?

Introduction

Every day, I hear it: “I’m not enough.” Not enough for that person. Not enough for that job. Not enough for that opportunity.

It’s a refrain that echoes in so many hearts. And yet, most of these beliefs aren’t born from what we know about ourselves. They’re borrowed—from what others have told us, from comparisons, from cultural scripts. We carry them like heavy coats we never chose to wear.

But what if we asked different questions?

• What if I am just the right person for this relationship?

• What if I am just the right person for this job?

• What if I am just the right person for this opportunity?

Discovering the Essential Self

When we begin asking, “What if I am just the right person for this?” we’re really opening the door to something deeper: the discovery of our essential self.

The essential self is the part of us that exists beneath all the projections and expectations placed on us by parents, teachers, coaches, partners, and society. It’s the core of who we are when we strip away the borrowed voices that told us we weren’t enough.

The truth is, many people struggle to identify who they are beyond those projections. They’ve been defined by roles, achievements, or relationships, rather than by their own inner compass. That’s why “not enough” feels so heavy—it’s built on someone else’s measure.

But when you begin to ground yourself in your essential self, you start to feel whole. You realize you are not a fragment of other people’s opinions, but a separate, complete person. And from that place, “enough” stops being a question. It becomes a given.

A Personal Reflection

I know this struggle firsthand. Tennis was a huge part of my life. My coach wanted to win very, very badly. I don’t think he was a bad guy—his intentions were good—but looking back over that 25‑year journey, I realize some of it wasn’t healthy. The screaming, the weekly weigh‑ins, the punishment runs if you missed too many shots…those experiences left a mark.

A part of me carried the belief that “I have to work harder than anyone else” into other parts of my life. For years, I thought it was about being “enough” for a coach, or for parents, or for whoever was watching. But eventually, I had some profound realizations: it was never about being “enough” for someone else. It was about aligning myself with what felt essential for me—living with truth, integrity, and authenticity.

That shift is what finally made me exhale. It’s what allowed me to feel alive and at peace. And sometimes I look back on that teenager, that college student, and wonder: if she had been told she was enough, would she have played Wimbledon?

 (Come to think of it…I think I may have just had an aha moment as I’m writing this. It may be why I blush when someone compliments me…hmmmmm…the therapist just therapied herself…gotta look at that.)

The Power of Enough

There are great examples among us who were taught they were enough and have done some amazing things. Simone Biles is one of them. After spending time in foster care, she was adopted by her grandparents, Nellie and Ronald Biles. They consistently told her she was capable, strong, and worthy. That belief became her foundation, and it helped her rise to the very height of her sport—becoming the most decorated gymnast in history.

Her story shows us what happens when “enough” becomes the starting point instead of the question. And that’s exactly what Martha Beck teaches in her work: that living from a place of integrity—where your essential self is honored—creates the conditions for extraordinary growth, peace, and authenticity.

Martha Beck and the Roadmap of Integrity

Dr. Martha Beck is a Harvard‑trained sociologist, life coach, and bestselling author. Oprah Winfrey has called her “one of the smartest women I know,” and I have to agree with her. Beck’s work focuses on helping people live in alignment with their essential self—the part of us that knows our truth.

In her book The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self, Beck uses Dante Alighieri’s 14th‑century epic poem The Divine Comedy as a metaphor for the journey back to wholeness. Dante begins lost in a “dark wood,” symbolizing confusion and disconnection, before traveling through Hell (Inferno), ascending through Purgatorio, and finally reaching Paradiso. Beck reframes this as a roadmap for rediscovering identity and integrity.

The Roadmap to Rediscovering Self

1. The Dark Wood of Error

   • Recognize you’re lost.

   • Acknowledge the borrowed voices that shaped your “not enough” story.

2. The Inferno

   • Confront false beliefs and patterns.

   • Try journaling: Where do you feel “not enough”? Whose voice is that really?

3. The Purgatorio

   • Begin releasing what isn’t yours—old identities, roles, expectations.

   • Practice listening to your body: truth feels light, lies feel heavy.

4. The Paradiso

   • Live in integrity—whole, undivided, aligned with your essential self.

   • Here, “enough” isn’t a question anymore, because you’re living from truth.

Practical Tools for the Journey

• Belief Testing: Say a belief out loud. Notice your body’s response.

• Listening to Joy: Follow what brings energy, peace, and aliveness.

• Reframing Questions: Replace “Am I good enough?” with “What if I am the right person for this moment?”

Closing Reflection

So tomorrow, when the voice of “not enough” rises, pause. Ask instead: What if I am exactly the right person, right now, for this moment?

Because maybe—just maybe—you already are. And if we truly told ourselves we were enough, imagine what we could do: have that successful relationship after one that didn’t work out, start that business we’ve been dreaming of, write that book waiting inside us.

The question isn’t whether you’re enough. The question is: What becomes possible when you finally believe it?